Insights

How much can I get back for the bride price when I divorce in Ningbo?

Ningbo Author：LuXu WANG

Mr. Zhang paid the bride price of 200000 yuan to the woman before marriage. After less than one year after marriage, the relationship broke down and divorced. The most concerned question is: How much can the bride price be returned? Direct conclusion: if the marriage has been registered, the bride price will not be returned in principle; However, in the case of "flash departure" after marriage, where the time of living together is very short and the amount of bride price is obviously too high, the court may order the return of part of the bride price-there is no fixed proportion of the amount to be returned, and the court may decide on the actual use of the bride price, dowry, common life and pregnancy, fault of both parties, local customs and other factors, the common referee range is between 30% and 60% of the return, and there are extreme cases of full non-return or full return. Therefore, both the notions that “divorce entitles you to a full refund of the betrothal gifts” and that “you get back exactly what you gave” are misconceptions; the amount that can be refunded depends on the evidence and the specific facts of the case.

1. Rules for refunds for those who have already registered their marriage: from "generally no refunds" to "refunds at discretion."

According to Article 5 of the Interpretation (I) of the Supreme People's Court on the Application of the Marriage and Family Code of the Civil Code of the People's Republic of the People's Republic of China (hereinafter referred to as the Interpretation (I)), the request of the parties to return the bride price paid according to customs shall be supported in the following situations: the (I) parties have not gone through the marriage registration procedures; the (II) parties have gone through the marriage registration procedures but have not lived together; (III) the payment before marriage and lead to difficulties; the second and third items are conditional on the divorce of both parties. For Mr. Zhang, who is already legally married, the only grounds that might apply are “failure to cohabitate” and “payment causing financial hardship.” Article 5 of

Provisions of the Supreme People's Court on Several Issues Concerning the Application of Laws in the Trial of Cases Involving Bifu Disputes (Law Interpretation [2024] No. 1, hereinafter referred to as "Bifu Provisions"), which came into effect on February 1, 2024, complements the third situation closest to reality: Both parties have registered for marriage and live together, and the people's court generally does not support the request to return of the bride price when divorce; however, if the time of living together is short and the amount of the bride price is too high, the people's court may, according to the actual use of the bride price and the dowry, comprehensively consider the amount of the bride price, the situation of living together and gestation, the fault of both parties and other facts, and combine with local customs to determine whether to return it and the specific proportion of the return. In determining whether the amount of betrothal gifts is excessive, the court shall take into account, in a comprehensive manner, such factors as the per capita disposable income of residents in the place where the payer resides, the payer’s family’s financial situation, and local customs.

2. Five groups of factors that affect the refund ratio

There is no formula for "how much can be returned", but the judgment logic is highly convergent, and the weight from high to low is roughly:

  1. Duration of cohabitation: If the couple has lived together for several years after registration, no return is generally required; if they separate within six months or even “quickly divorce,” there is considerable room for return.
  2. The amount of betrothal gifts and the determination of “excessive”: If the amount significantly exceeds the per capita disposable income of residents in the giver’s locality as well as the family’s financial capacity, it is deemed “excessive” and constitutes a prerequisite for triggering discretionary restitution.
  3. Circumstances of Childbearing: In cases involving children, claims for reimbursement are generally dismissed or significantly reduced—childbearing signifies that the purpose of the marriage has been substantially fulfilled, and theThe female party’s contributions deserve recognition.
  4. Actual use of the betrothal gift and dowry: If the betrothal gift is used for joint living expenses, to purchase the dowry, or to renovate the marital home, the corresponding amounts shall be deducted; the value of the bride’s dowry may be offset against the amount to be returned.
  5. Contributory Fault: If the party making the payment is at fault—e.g., for domestic violence or adultery—the return ratio shall be reduced; if the receiving party is at fault, the return ratio shall be increased.

3. Derivation of three typical scenarios

Use numerical examples to illustrate the referee’s decision-making logic, making it easier to compare with your own situation:

  1. Mr. Zhang paid RMB 200,000; after the marriage was registered, they lived together for two months before he filed for divorce. They did not have any children and there was no dowry. Belonging to "living together for a short time and the amount of bride price is too high", the court may decide to return 40%-60%, that is, 80000-120000 yuan, depending on whether 200000 yuan is relatively high relative to Mr. Zhang's family income and whether there are any common expenses.
  2. Pay RMB 300,000; after registration and one and a half years of cohabitation, the couple divorces following the birth of a son. Given the substantial duration of cohabitation and the fact that a child has been born, the funds shall, in principle, not be returned, unless the man can provide evidence that the RMB 300,000 has caused his family to fall into absolute financial hardship.
  3. to pay 100000 yuan, live together for ten months after registration, divorce, not pregnant, the woman's accompanying home appliances worth about 30000 yuan. Given the relatively short duration and the moderate amount involved, the court may, at its discretion, order a return of 20% to 30% (RMB 20,000 to RMB 30,000), with the value of the bride’s dowry deducted therefrom.

4. Return for those who have not registered their marriage: another calculation method

If the marriage has not been registered yet (such as breaking up after the wedding without getting the certificate), Article 6 of the Provisions on the bride price applies: if both parties have not registered the marriage but have lived together and request to return the bride price, the people's court shall comprehensively consider the facts such as the common life and gestation situation, the fault of both parties and the local customs according to the actual use of the bride price and the dowry situation of dowry, determine whether to return and the specific proportion of return. Compared with "registered", the court has a stronger tendency to return in the "unregistered" scenario-the purpose of marriage is not realized through legal form, the consumption of common life is deducted, and the rest is returned; If you live together for a long time and have children, the return rate is low or even will not be returned.

5. Key points of evidence presentation and operational steps

The party asserting the claim for restitution shall proceed as follows:

  1. Confirm the applicable path: unregistered (follow Article 6 of the "Regulations on Betrothal Gifts") or already registered for divorce (follow Interpretation (I), Article 5, and Article 5 of the "Regulations on Betrothal Gifts");
  2. Evidence of fixed payment: bank transfer records (with the remark “dowry”), chat logs, witness testimonies, and invoices for the “three golds”;
  3. Evidence of fixed cohabitation duration: shared residence, utility bill payments, and testimonies from relatives and friends, used to rebut the claim that “the period of cohabitation was short”;
  4. Calculation of Dowry and Bridal Gifts: List the detailed expenditures for shared living expenses and the bride’s dowry items.
  5. Negotiation → Mediation → Litigation: If no agreement can be reached, file a lawsuit with the court. Note that claims for the return of property conditioned on divorce must be raised concurrently in the divorce proceedings.

6. Details regarding the determination of "financial hardship" and the offsetting of the dowry.

Two frequently misinterpreted refund criteria need to be elaborated:

  1. The threshold of "living difficulties" is very high: Explain that "payment before marriage leads to living difficulties for the payer" in Item 3 of Article 5 of the (I), which refers to the "absolute difficulty" of relying on personal property and the property acquired at the time of divorce to maintain the local basic living standard after the payment of bride price, rather than the "decline in living standard" before the payment ". The claimant should produce evidence such as proof of income, proof of subsistence allowances or special hardship, large debt certificates, pressure to live without a house or rent, etc. At the same time, the court will examine the overall economic situation of the payer's family-the family's annual income of hundreds of thousands of yuan is said to be "difficult to live by giving 200000 yuan bride price", which is usually difficult to obtain support;
  2. The dowry is the reduced item of return: if the receiving party buys the dowry with the bride price, the value of the dowry should be deducted from the amount of return-the party who claims the deduction must provide the list of dowry and the purchase bill. If the dowry vehicles and household appliances have been registered or delivered for use, they should be calculated according to the present value; similarly, the part of the bride price used for decorating the wedding room and purchasing common living supplies belongs to the common consumption, shall also be deducted at the time of discretionary return. Clarifying how the betrothal gifts were spent often has a greater impact on the outcome than debating whether they should be returned.

In addition, a practical rule is suggested: the cases that advocate full return win less and lose more, and the cases that advocate proportional partial return have a higher success rate-the starting point determined by the court is "common living consumption + balance after dowry deduction", and the expectation is placed in a reasonable range, which makes mediation and judgment easier to land.

7. Key points of evidence disputes and cross-examination in betrothal gift cases

Once a betrothal gift case enters litigation, the evidentiary battle centers on five key points:

  1. There is no proof of cash payment: there is a part of cash payment for engagement in Ningbo and its surrounding areas, and the claimant can use the withdrawal records (the amount and time point are consistent with the payment), the testimony of the matchmaker and relatives, and the records of family discussions between the two parties before and after the wedding to supplement; if the woman denies the amount, the court will decide according to the high degree of probability and local customs;
  2. There is no note in the transfer: for the transfer without "bride price", the woman often defends as loan, gift or business dealings-the claimant uses "amount characteristics (such as 88000, 128000 and other lucky numbers)", "time point (payment peak before and after engagement)" and "bride price negotiation in the chat record" to prove comprehensively;
  3. The woman advocates love gift: distinguish "bride price for the purpose of marriage" from "voluntary gift during love": Boxing gift, daily transfer and small amount of red envelope generally do not constitute bride price (Article 3 of "Regulations on bride price"), while the payment of large amount and bound to the process of engagement is the opposite;
  4. No invoice for dowry: when the party who claims the dowry offset cannot provide the bill, it can be determined by referring to the market price of similar articles and combining with the testimony of witnesses, and the court will make reasonable discretion instead of denying it all;
  5. Multiple transactions are mixed: if there are frequent financial transactions during the years of cohabitation, first eliminate the common living expenses and daily transactions, and then identify the bride price payment among them-the judge needs a "detailed list of transactions" to clearly list the amount, time, purpose and nature of each transaction, which is much more effective than oral statements.

Tips for cross-examination: With respect to the female party’s defense that “all funds were used for common living expenses,” require her to list specific expenditure items and provide supporting evidence; with respect to the male party’s claim that “all funds were betrothal gifts,” verify each transaction to determine whether it meets the characteristic of serving a “marriage‑related purpose.” Presenting financial transactions in tabular form is the most practical litigation strategy in betrothal gift cases.

8. Referee Trends and Expectation Management

Several Stable Trends in the Return of Betrothal Gifts as Reflected in National Judicial Practices (for reference; applies nationwide; Ningbo follows the same approach):

  1. “Co-living” has become the most crucial variable.: Whether registered or not, the longer the time of living together and the more gestation, the smaller the return space; the focus of the referee changes from "registered" to "how long have you lived together and whether you have children";
  2. The examination of "too high amount" is becoming stricter: the new regulation makes it clear that, measured by the per capita disposable income of the residents in the place where the payer is located and the economic situation of the family, the bride price, which costs hundreds of thousands of yuan and is equivalent to several years of family income, is more likely to be identified as too high, and the discretionary return is initiated;
  3. Establishment of parents’ standing as parties to litigation: In disputes over betrothal property, parents may act as joint plaintiffs or joint defendants, thereby resolving the longstanding issue of a mismatch between the actual payer and the party to the lawsuit, leading to more comprehensive handling of cases involving betrothal gifts.
  4. High proportion of cases concluded through mediation: In betrothal gift disputes, the facts are relatively straightforward and the amounts are clearly defined, so courts generally encourage both parties to reconcile through mediation. As a result, the national mediation rate is significantly higher than that of typical family law cases.
  5. The overall proportion of refunds has become more “rationalized”: extreme rulings mandating either full refund or no refund at all have decreased, with discretionary proportional refunds becoming the norm. The refund range generally falls between 20% and 60%, with case-specific variations depending on the duration of cohabitation and the circumstances surrounding the birth of children.

Putting expectations within the trend, the litigation strategy will not deviate: the payer should not expect "full retreat", and the receiver should not fear "full retreat". The two sides can usually reach an agreement within the trend range around the reconciliation of "common life consumption + dowry + gestation"-the essence of bride price return is "settlement", not "punishment".

Case Reference: Ningbo Intermediate People's Court (2015) Zhejiang Yongmin Zong Zi No. 9 case, both parties have registered for marriage, but they did not live together during the registration to the wedding, and they separated and divorced two or three days after the wedding. Because the woman had promised in writing to return the dowry of 100000 yuan, the court supported the full return, and the guarantor was jointly and severally liable. It is evident that, even for those who have registered their marriage, if they can prove that they have never lived together, they may still claim a refund. Trial Court: Ningbo Intermediate People’s Court Case No.: (2015) Zhe Yong Min Yi Zhong Zi No. 9

9. Frequently Asked Questions

If we get divorced just one month after getting married, can the entire betrothal gift be returned?

Full refunds are generally not permitted, but a partial refund may be issued. According to article 5 of the bride price regulations, the "flash away" and the bride price is too high may be returned at discretion, but the court will deduct the actual consumption during the common life and consider the significance of the registration itself, and the full return will only occur in very special circumstances (e. g. not living together).

If the paying party borrowed money before marriage to cover the bride price, can they get more of it back upon divorce?

Borrowing money to collect the bride price shows that the payer's family has limited financial affordability, which is an important evidence to identify "the amount of bride price is too high" and "the payment causes difficulties in life", and can increase the discretionary return ratio; however, the loan itself does not directly generate the right of return request, and it still needs to return to the legal situation to judge.

If the woman used the betrothal gifts to pay off her premarital mortgage, can they be reclaimed?

If they have registered and lived together, they will not be returned in general; if it is in the case of "flash + excessive amount", they will be returned discretionary, and the bride price "not used for living together but used for the woman's personal loan repayment" is a fact of use that is beneficial to the recipient, and the court will increase the return ratio accordingly at its discretion.

Can parents reclaim large red envelopes, such as “name-change fees” and “car-entry gifts,” that they have given?

According to the third article of the provisions on bride price, gifts with little value paid at special times such as festivals and birthdays do not belong to bride price, and generally cannot be claimed to be returned. However, if the amount is obviously beyond the scope of etiquette, paid for the purpose of concluding a marriage, and conforms to the characteristics of "bride price" in local customs, it may still be considered to be included in the scope of bride price and must be judged on a case.

Can the return of bride price be claimed together with divorce damages?

Yes, the two claims have different bases and do not exclude each other: the return of the bride price is based on the property rules of the marriage contract, and the damage compensation is based on the fault of the other party (Article 1091 of the Civil Code). If the woman has a major fault leading to divorce, the return rate may be increased, while the man may also claim damages separately, the two parallel calculation.

10. Practical Legal Insights

How much of the betrothal gift can be returned is the question that parties involved ask most frequently—and also the one in which they are most likely to have unrealistic expectations.Those who have registered for marriage will not be returned in principle. Only when the time of living together is very short and the amount of dowry is obviously higher than the local general level can there be room for return as appropriate. Moreover, there is no fixed proportion of return, depending on a series of specific facts such as living together and gestation, the actual use of dowry and dowry, and the faults of both parties. Therefore, what should really be done is not to repeatedly struggle with whether it can be withdrawn, but to prepare the materials around these facts that can affect the proportion, so that the court can have evidence to rely on at its discretion.

The direction of proof should start from both payment and consumption. At the end of the payment, the amount and time are fixed by the transfer record, gift list, matchmaker or statement of relatives and friends present. To consume this end, it is necessary to state whether the bride price has been used for living together, purchasing dowry or purchasing family goods. The dowry part can be claimed to be offset, preferably listed and accompanied by value certificates. The length of the common life of the two sides, whether there is breeding, often directly affect the discretionary results, daily records and traces of life are worth keeping. There is another set of processing ideas for those who have not yet registered for marriage. The nature of the request and the cause of the case should also be distinguished accordingly. Don't mix the two types of situations together.

Because the result is discretionary rather than calculated, you should leave a range of expectations for yourself in your mentality, and don't bet all your hopes on the full return of the other party. When negotiating, you can use the part that has been consumed during the common life, the dowry, and the mistakes of both parties in the breakdown of the relationship as bargaining chips, and use facts to bargain instead of emotional pressure. If the other party emphasizes that the bride price has already been spent on the common life, it is required to explain the specific expenditure and check the evidence; if it is delayed, it is also necessary to assess the need for early entry into the proceedings at the discretion of the court. Managing expectations well can often make the parties accept the final result more than fighting for a few percentage points.

The answer of "How much can I get back for the bride price during divorce" is written in four facts: how long have I lived together, whether the bride price is high or not, whether I have children or not, and where did I spend the money. Instead of worrying about "whether it can be refunded", it is better to settle the accounts-leaving traces for transfers, leaving tickets for expenses, having evidence for time, and having confidence in negotiations and lawsuits. For the payer, the rational expectation is that "a part of the flash may be returned, and a normal marriage is basically not returned"; for the recipient, it is not necessary to regard the bride price as "water thrown out", and the real contribution of the common life (pregnancy, dowry, family expenses) is clearly listed, and the court will give you the protection you deserve. When the marriage has broken up, let the dispute over the bride price stop at rational settlement, rather than hurting each other.

then put "how much can be refunded" into the action level: instead of arguing repeatedly about "how much should be refunded", the party who advocates refunding should first make a "bride price settlement table"-list the total amount of bride price, the number of months of common life, whether it is pregnant, the details of common life consumption, the dowry value and the fault of both parties, fill in the figures that can be determined, and calculate the return interval according to the above five groups. When the form is completed, the answer is very clear: this form is not only the draft of the negotiation, but also the catalogue of evidence in the lawsuit, and the intuitive material to persuade the judge. Numbers don't lie, especially in bride price disputes.

Incidentally: if the returned bride price is delivered in the form of physical objects (three gold, vehicles) and the physical objects are still there, you can claim to return the original objects or discount them according to the present value; if the physical objects have been consumed and lost, it is determined according to the purchase value combined with the use of loss-physical evidence (invoices, photos) is also an indispensable column on the statement.